tonying

            I work in The Farm. I live in Farm. For the past five years, it seems that my world revolves and was just confined in The Farm. And I just cant seem to figure out if it’s a devotion or just pure love of work considering that its not at all financially rewarding. Boring, indeed, that I somewhat secluded myself from the world and society that I have always been with. But in the farm, though chaotic, disorganized, often harsh and unfriendly, I found peace. Happiness in solitary confinement. Contentment in a hostile environment.

            In The Farm I have become stagnant, I somewhat regressed. Being surrounded by people who could barely read and write, whose philosophical and analytical thinking does not go far beyond the middle of their legs, I have no one to share my views and my thoughts. There is just no one to contest my ideas, no one to fight with an intense intellectual battle. I stoop down, and it seems I could never get up again. But nevertheless, I’m happy.

            Though I have built this wall of seclusion does not necessarily mean that I have forgotten my passion for learning. I have always wanted to continue my education, perhaps a PhD in metaphysics or biochemistry, things that I’m just not particularly good at. And I love challenges. Maybe that’s one reason that I’ve stayed at The Farm for so long. There are just no limits when it comes to challenges. Trials do come and go, and I’m glad I stayed alive, barely missing some bullets in my head.

            But lately this wall that I have built has been slowly falling down. My happiness gets lesser and lesser everyday. I’m now having doubts in my contentment, my devotion and love of work is slowly fading, loosing my interest I what I do. Though I love challenges and trials, but  often times too much of a good thing isn’t good at all. I will never give up, I have never had. But a constant struggle with my self and my environment is just tiring.

           Like an eagle locked up in his cage for so long, I will soon be free. Free to roam the outside world and rediscover my self. Sooner or later, I hope I will have the courage to say goodbye to The Farm, my home, my refuge. And then I’ll say hello to the world.